Nicole vs. Life
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Someone shattered a urinal.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
