You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
