im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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