that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
