Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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