I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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