He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
