Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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