I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm passing your future prison.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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