so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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