Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
