i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
