I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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