Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
