"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize