THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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