Screwed.edu
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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