okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize