No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize