I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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