An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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