Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
