We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
