I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
