Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
