Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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