Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
