i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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