he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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