At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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