I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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