my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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