Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
