So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize