Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
