the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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