look no pants
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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