using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
