I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I love you. Go after that dick
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
