She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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