i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Drake has all the answers
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
