remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't think brook has ever known best
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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