1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
