So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
