haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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