some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
