so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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