the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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