suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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