my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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