I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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