In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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