Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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