Did you just see the Batmobile???
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
