I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
