Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
