i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize