Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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