soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
