Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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