Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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