I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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