Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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