Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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