He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
