She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Randomize
