My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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