i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
